Friday, 22 July 2011

Looking to the future

So readers... I was watching a show quite similar to the Katie Piper show that many people have seen. It's called "Kellie: The Girl Who Played With Fire" and it's about a girl who's suffered all her life with burn marks, and her story is absolutely incredible!
I feel so bad about even blogging about my condition. Some people have gone through so much! And you never realise it! But it really hones in, NEVER GIVE UP! No matter what you've gone through, or what you're going through, there is always somewhere out there to help!

But this show really honed in to me that we take so much for granted and instead of just sitting around like coach potatoes we actually need to do something! There are so many treatments availbale in other countries but unavailble to many people suffering in the United Kingdom who are unable to afford the flight, so however you can, PLEASE help raise money for the Katie Piper Foundation! However you can! Believe me, it is going to an incredible cause! And no matter what, never judge on someone on their looks! Get to know them first! Please, for my sake!

ALSO, another point, I'm just about to turn 16 so am applying for lots of jobs as I'm broke like nearly everyone my age and want to make my own money, and I was filling out an application form recently and it said "Do you have any disabilities?", I went to tick no as I don't deem myself as having any, but they put "This also includes skin conditions" so I had to put down yes, which makes me feel horrible! I don't have any disabilities, some people do have disabilities and for them I pray for them! It must be horrendous living with any sort of disability but I'm an able young girl, I'm able to do whatever I want, just because I have a few scars doesn't make me unable to do a job. I am perfectly able. I am not disabled. You disrespectful *****!

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Giving up

Hi readers, or the infinite black space that is the internet.
Sorry I haven't been on in a while I finally finished my GCSE exams, they went horrifically mainly due to the lack of revision during study leave and the sudden interest in piano and weird, yet wonderful makeup. I also went on a wonderful vacation with my boyfriend (n'aww!), yes it was uber-cute, yes i loved every moment of it and yes, i had a lot of fun. BUT. My skin was improving, like majorly improving, it took me a while to locate any red spots on my skin, and considering I've now become an expert at this art, I was getting excited. Really excited! I was over the moon!
I think I've been reading too many Pick Me Ups as this is now starting to sound like one of their articles, but anyway, I shall continue.
I was thrilled, amazed, all the happy vocabularies you can think of. And then I flew back.... I really wished I stayed out there. I've been back one day and I seem to have turned into some sort of blotchy balloon, not only that but my stomach (which causes eczema) has turned into a churning pit of illness. I feel horrible. After feeling so great, it's such a let down. And through everything, I've been positive, trying to look on the upside but something has got me. People. People annoy me. People who say "they understand". Yes, okay, you had eczema, as a child or even as a baby, but you've never had any problems like this. You have no idea what it feels like so stop being high on your own horse. You don't know what it feels like to have your own body rejecting you and trying to fight against you, trying to hurt you, trying to kill you. No-one knows what that is like till they've been through out. They don't know how cold it is at night, while you shiver and gag while others sleep pleasantly. They don't know what it's like to have to cancel things you've been looking forward to for weeks and instead sitting in bed all day. They don't know what it's like to have people call your names, to have people call you a liar for being ill or taking the piss. YOU DON'T KNOW, SO DON'T SAY YOU UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes it's hard in the morning to get out of bed to know that you'll look shit, feel shit and be generally shit. It's hard to carry on. But I do it. Everyday. I will never give up. As long as I can still breath, I will fight with everything part of my being, cause no matter what anyone says, I have a life, I have friends and I have a loving family and I am going to live my life cause at the end of the day as cheesy as it is you only get one shot at life and you need to make the most of it! No matter what I go through, there are people out there worse off than me, and I will try everything to help myself and others! I have faith.
Call me dramatic, call me out of order, but this is my blog and these are my feelings.
Please remember if anyone ever wants to talk I'm only round the corner at :

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Bring on the good times

Hey Bloggers,
What up, what up? Long time,
Well I kind of promised myself that I would not go on Blogger AT ALL during study leave... but here I am... during study leave. It seems like a good stress relief so I'm using that excuse.
So what has everyone been up to while I've been away? Good I hope
Anyway.. I had a revelation.... it doesn't matter what I've been through, or the set backs I have right now, the main thing is to reach forward, and reach for the stars. I need to reach my goal, and after all passion is a force so strong that it can drive anything forward, IF YOU BELIEVE, and one day I do believe that I will make it in the theatre world as I dream too <3
Sorry for the incredibly cheesy blog, but that's how I feel today, and I promise to keep more in tact.
ALSO, if I haven't lost your interest by now, here's my daily booth: take a look, I love photography and I love edits so yeah, this has become my past time <3
Remember if you ever wanna give me a buzz my email is:
Alright, choui choui my loves <3 Keep reading

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Shredding like a rubber

Apologies for not blogging recently, been quite ill recently as I have a stomach ulcer, but that's another story which has nothing to do with this blog so moving on. Also, apology for changing the blogs name I just felt this title was more appropriate so let me know what you think.
Anyway.. Going onto the main story of this blog, I woke up in the middle of the night itching, which is incredibly common and I don't usually worry about but then I got up to go to the loo, kind of shook myself off and went to the loo and went back to bed and when I woke up I found this pile of what looked like the shredding you get from a rubber, which I then realised came from my body when I got up. WHAT THE HELL?! Is this normal?! So what worries me is what happens next time I'm at a sleepover, do I need to take a dustpan and brush with me?! Odd things happen.... But what I have noticed that these occurances are caused by the constant stupid creaming, because the cream merges the skin to repair itself sometimes there is too much left over so it comes off, if that makes any sense. Well anyway, these stupid creams are starting to really pee me off! First of all it makes my hair look and feel like a bloody floor cleaning brush, and now it's making me shred like a snake during spring. SIGH! Well other than that, another uneventful day.
Also, I'd like to take this time that although I write this blog I do not think of myself as a major sufferer, there are many people throughout the World who suffer from much worse conditions, although I find it hard to go through every day as I used to before I got this condition I do recognise the other conditions, and that is what I want to bring awareness for through these blogs, that there are people who suffer from conditions a million times worse than mine and are subjucted to cruel prejeduce behaviour and I can't stand it, so please if you're going to do anything today, just don't judge people, whether it's by the way they dress or by the way they look. I'm not going to sit her and say I've never judged anyone, of course I have, many times! But just don't subject them to incredibly harsh and rude behaviour such as calling them names, laughing and pointing. You don't know them, you don't know their lives, so don't be rude about it. Sorry to end on such a harsh note, but yeah, i'll talk soon :) Bye the emptiness that is the blogging world :)

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Bad Day

I'm sorry but I'm absolutely knackered so will not be writing my usual essay, but instead I'll just sum up my day in a few bullet points:
-I had a family problem
-People laughed at me
-People stared
-Had a stressful day with my coursework
-I got two detentions
-And i've had to wash my hair twice (stupid cream)
SIGH i'm glad this day is over to be honest
I was thinking today, I have absolutely no-one to talk to about my skin, I think this why I console in this blog, cause no-one I know can understand it all, no-one knows what i'm having to go through and what bugs me, people who SAY they know how i feel when they have no clue. I just want to talk to someone who can understand me. What makes me feel worse is that there are hundreds of people out there in the World who feel EXACTLY how i feel, but there's no way for us ever to meet ... such a shame! Remember my e-mail address is: if you ever want to send me a message
Talk soon bloggers, lets hope kate and william have a wonderful day tomorrow <3

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Lucky in love

So I have a confession to tell you all (all being the empty space which is the internet), don't really know if anyone's reading this but whatever I shall continue ... I went in to school with tights today! I know i know! I'm a coward, sue me? But the weather was cold this morning so I decided to take the risk and it turns out half my year were wearing tights too so there's really nothing to report back.
But I have something cheerful to report back ... for once! I am very lucky, I have an amazing family, an amazing group of friends who help me through everything and without them I could be nothing but also, I have an amazing boyfriend. Sorry for all those who are single reading this, I promise I won't go on that much. Well anyway, he's incredibly caring, patient and loving and he always seems to put a smile on my face. A lot of the time I'm upset and down about the way that I look, wishing I looked better, wishing I could wear shorts, always wishing! But no matter what, whether I'm caked in makeup trying to hide away from the truth or just covered in my eczema cream, he always calls me beautiful and I honestly couldn't be happier! And I am glad to say that next week it shall be our half anniversary (6 months) so I've decided it's about time I actually bother to get him a gift so any help on presents would be muchly appreciated! :) But ... yes, there is always a but ... we started dating nearly 6 months ago, the problem is, my eczema only flared up about 4 months ago ... so I kind-of feel guilty, he went into this relationship with a clear skinned girl who was bubbly and cheerful and now he's dating a patchy girl who cries most of the time. I sometimes feel as if maybe it would just be easier to stop it now, I mean from what it seems now, I have no future. The likeliness of being able to get through pregnancy is slim (as I also have a stomach ulcer but that's another story), I will never be able to cuddle at night due to a constant demand of cream, I will always be looking at my skin and no matter what, I will never feel beautiful in myself again. I know it may not sound that much, but looking in the mirror every day and not being able to stand the sight of your own figure facing you is a horrible thing, but a thing I need to suffer. Like is there any point of me bothering with make up any more? I mean no matter what I'll still have this horrid skin. It also means we can't really get physically close, just the thought of him touching my skin anywhere repulses me, plus the fact that i feel constantly uncomfortable all the time doesn't help! But somehow, he pulls through and for that I am lucky, truly lucky, and I will never even think about forgetting that any day soon!
This is dedicated to my amazing boyfriend who has helped me through so much! When everyone else would call me ugly you always called me beautiful, I would be no where without you!

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

The sock fiasco!

So as eczema is primarily a stress-related skin condition, and i'm obviously a very stressed person I have now decided to use this to release some stress. Some people meditate, I blog. So what's on my mind you ask me Facebook? Well ... Tomorrow I am sent back to what I refer to as prison, also known as school, and as one day flows into another and winter becomes spring, we are now forced to wear socks instead of tights. It never really hit me before but the minute I pulled those ugly white socks out I stopped. MY LEGS! So I'm lucky enough to be able to control the eczema on my face and on my neck and shoulders ... well it's bearable, well definitely not as bad as my legs. My legs are probably the worst affected area. Because at the end of the day, you can cover your legs with tights but you can't cover your face ... unless you're religious, and I'm not so ... well anyway, I COULD cover my legs.. but now, everyone will be faced with the red patchiness. Walking down the street in the pass, I've had some odd looks to my shoulder-face region but considering the difference between my face and my legs I have no idea how people are going to react, and I've heard all the rumours about other girls who have suffered through this and been called "contangious" "blotch" and what not, and I barely fit in at my school as it is, how the HELL am I going to fit in looking like I've been hit my rapid red spray paint. How are people going to react tomorrow? I don't know, will I be a coward and go in tights and just be odd? Most probably, but anyway, I'll keep you in touch with how it goes, fingers crossed!