Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Lucky in love

So I have a confession to tell you all (all being the empty space which is the internet), don't really know if anyone's reading this but whatever I shall continue ... I went in to school with tights today! I know i know! I'm a coward, sue me? But the weather was cold this morning so I decided to take the risk and it turns out half my year were wearing tights too so there's really nothing to report back.
But I have something cheerful to report back ... for once! I am very lucky, I have an amazing family, an amazing group of friends who help me through everything and without them I could be nothing but also, I have an amazing boyfriend. Sorry for all those who are single reading this, I promise I won't go on that much. Well anyway, he's incredibly caring, patient and loving and he always seems to put a smile on my face. A lot of the time I'm upset and down about the way that I look, wishing I looked better, wishing I could wear shorts, always wishing! But no matter what, whether I'm caked in makeup trying to hide away from the truth or just covered in my eczema cream, he always calls me beautiful and I honestly couldn't be happier! And I am glad to say that next week it shall be our half anniversary (6 months) so I've decided it's about time I actually bother to get him a gift so any help on presents would be muchly appreciated! :) But ... yes, there is always a but ... we started dating nearly 6 months ago, the problem is, my eczema only flared up about 4 months ago ... so I kind-of feel guilty, he went into this relationship with a clear skinned girl who was bubbly and cheerful and now he's dating a patchy girl who cries most of the time. I sometimes feel as if maybe it would just be easier to stop it now, I mean from what it seems now, I have no future. The likeliness of being able to get through pregnancy is slim (as I also have a stomach ulcer but that's another story), I will never be able to cuddle at night due to a constant demand of cream, I will always be looking at my skin and no matter what, I will never feel beautiful in myself again. I know it may not sound that much, but looking in the mirror every day and not being able to stand the sight of your own figure facing you is a horrible thing, but a thing I need to suffer. Like is there any point of me bothering with make up any more? I mean no matter what I'll still have this horrid skin. It also means we can't really get physically close, just the thought of him touching my skin anywhere repulses me, plus the fact that i feel constantly uncomfortable all the time doesn't help! But somehow, he pulls through and for that I am lucky, truly lucky, and I will never even think about forgetting that any day soon!
This is dedicated to my amazing boyfriend who has helped me through so much! When everyone else would call me ugly you always called me beautiful, I would be no where without you!

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