Thursday, 14 July 2011

Giving up

Hi readers, or the infinite black space that is the internet.
Sorry I haven't been on in a while I finally finished my GCSE exams, they went horrifically mainly due to the lack of revision during study leave and the sudden interest in piano and weird, yet wonderful makeup. I also went on a wonderful vacation with my boyfriend (n'aww!), yes it was uber-cute, yes i loved every moment of it and yes, i had a lot of fun. BUT. My skin was improving, like majorly improving, it took me a while to locate any red spots on my skin, and considering I've now become an expert at this art, I was getting excited. Really excited! I was over the moon!
I think I've been reading too many Pick Me Ups as this is now starting to sound like one of their articles, but anyway, I shall continue.
I was thrilled, amazed, all the happy vocabularies you can think of. And then I flew back.... I really wished I stayed out there. I've been back one day and I seem to have turned into some sort of blotchy balloon, not only that but my stomach (which causes eczema) has turned into a churning pit of illness. I feel horrible. After feeling so great, it's such a let down. And through everything, I've been positive, trying to look on the upside but something has got me. People. People annoy me. People who say "they understand". Yes, okay, you had eczema, as a child or even as a baby, but you've never had any problems like this. You have no idea what it feels like so stop being high on your own horse. You don't know what it feels like to have your own body rejecting you and trying to fight against you, trying to hurt you, trying to kill you. No-one knows what that is like till they've been through out. They don't know how cold it is at night, while you shiver and gag while others sleep pleasantly. They don't know what it's like to have to cancel things you've been looking forward to for weeks and instead sitting in bed all day. They don't know what it's like to have people call your names, to have people call you a liar for being ill or taking the piss. YOU DON'T KNOW, SO DON'T SAY YOU UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes it's hard in the morning to get out of bed to know that you'll look shit, feel shit and be generally shit. It's hard to carry on. But I do it. Everyday. I will never give up. As long as I can still breath, I will fight with everything part of my being, cause no matter what anyone says, I have a life, I have friends and I have a loving family and I am going to live my life cause at the end of the day as cheesy as it is you only get one shot at life and you need to make the most of it! No matter what I go through, there are people out there worse off than me, and I will try everything to help myself and others! I have faith.
Call me dramatic, call me out of order, but this is my blog and these are my feelings.
Please remember if anyone ever wants to talk I'm only round the corner at :

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